Evening in a drunk tank
by TheBlackSpirit
Summary: A story about breaking into a 21st floor apartment with a llama. Rated M because of an extremely sloshed gentleman.
1. Chapter 1

Evenings in a drunk tank

I never was a big fan of school. Especially french class, don't get me wrong, I absolutely love learning, but only useful things. Like say, how to cure belladonna poisoning. Or, how to make sure something is edible. Or even how to build a proper shelter for survival purposes. Anyway, I can't really tell you why we thought of this or how we got here but… Koala and I somehow ended up in jail. _Again._ I'm pretty sure that it is not my fault this time, though I'd have to take a look at the official report to read the charges we were being pressed with.

-Maybe we'll see em before we go to court and stuff.

 _Shit did say that out loud?_

Yeah you did. And that too.

Shoot.

Oh, I haven't introduced you, the red head with snake bites and the green eyes in the corner, well that's my compadre Koala. And I, your dutiful narrator, would be the handsome blonde man on the other side of the cell. No, not the hell's angel biker, the one in the top hat and navy blue trench coat.

-Sabo…

-'sup?

-There's an officer. As I turn to the door, I spot said officer, gray haired and smoking a cigar, he looks almost familiar…

-Oh not you _again_ brat. He spits, now I remember.

- _Smokey?!_

\- I should've known you were behind the 'LiaP' miss hap.

-liaP?

\- . .

-Wait what? We stuck a _lama_ in a _poncho_? _What the ever flying fuck._ I share a look with Koala and she shrugs. _Wow, yesterday night must've been one heck of a time! Too bad i remember none of it.._

-So, since you've done this before, I won't bother explaining the procedures. Smoker hands Koala a few sheets of paper. After doing that, he leaves.

-Hey Smokey! Did i get my phone call yet? I call out to the police officer.

-Yes you did, you should recieve a pizza in twenty or so minutes.

-Kay, thanks.

 _Thanks drunk me, i was just getting hungry._

I thought, turning toward Koala all the while.

-So, what have our hamered selves gotten up to this time? I asked. Koala sighed handing me the hefty stack of charges.

-see for your self.

 _\- Breaking and entering,_

 _-property damage,_

 _-stolen goods,_

 _-stolen livestock,_

 _\- public inebriation,_

 _-assaulting an officer,_

 _\- dining and dashing_

 _\- disturbing the peace_

 _\- starting and ending a bar fight_

 _\- petty theft_

 _\- carrying illegal drugs_

 _\- carrying a hidden weapon_

 _\- drunk driving_

 _\- loitering private property_

 _\- climbing the side of a building_

 _\- pulling a fire alarm for no reason_

 _\- slandering a public figure_

 _\- defecating on a public monument_

 _\- public indecency (refer to previous charge)_

 _\- driving livestock down the street_

 _\- Jay walking_

 _\- stolen mannequin_

 _\- changing said mannequin in the middle of the road_

 _\- ect._

I wistle slowy. _Well damn, that's a lot of charges…_

-How much of that do you remember? Koala asks.

-Uh… nothing after the poncho honestly.

\- that's better than me. I have nothing after the street light.


	2. Chapter 2

Assaulting an officer

 _12 hours ago._

 _The sirens blare loudly as cars chase Koala and I down the main Street, whom ever this cop is, they know how to drive._

 _-I don't think we can lose them._

 _-I WILL NEVER SURRENDER! NEVEEER! I swerve around a corner making the mini-van stand on two wheels. The car lands with a few bounces as we once again hit a straight line, the sirens still resound and i spot the lights reflectin in the rear view mirror._

 _-Pull over. We have you surrounded. Blares a loud microphone._

 _-FUCK YOU.I WILL NOT LOSE TO YOU KING BOO! MOUAHAHA. I chant out the open window._

 _\- Tashigi, stand by for tranquilisers_

 _-THAT WON'T STOP US YOU FUCKING FED! I'M ON COCAINE!_

 _-OK YOU FUCK NUGGET PULL OVER!_

 _-I REFUSE! And then… I run into an alley wall._

 _-I want tacos. Koala says, visibly okay. Like a big juicy and fucking meaty taco._

 _-Less do that. *hic* I answer swaying in the drivers seat. The sirens get closer and I heard a screech of tires. FUCK!_

 _-You little shits what the hell were you thinking?_

 _-O HAI- SMOKIE! I great in my drunken stupor, a stupid grin on my face._

 _-Of fucking course it's you. Put your hands behind your back Outlook!_

 _-Make me! I really shouldn't have said that, because he slams me against the car's hood._

 _-Owww, Smokiee. Why so kinky ~ I tease pushing my hips towards his._

 _-Outlook, if you do not cease, i will taser you._

 _-Aren't those illegal? Koala questions as she joins me on the hood._

 _-Unfortunately, they are right sir. As such you may not taser mr. Outlook. Tashigi answers taking Koala's trick question and distracting officer Smoker. I take the chance to kick said officer in the family treasures, and as he doubles over from the pain, I knock him out cold by bashing my cuffed hands onto the top of his head. I hear Koala flip Tashigi over and cuff her before shoving her on the side of the road._

 _-Ok, let's go! And then we're off again, this time in the police cruiser._

 **NOW**

I wake in a cold sweat, sitting up in the bed and knocking my head on the ceiling.

-MOTHER FUCKER THAT HURT! I moan loudly.

-Sabo! Kindly do shut your fucking mouth!

-Right, sorry. I spot Smoker patrolling the hallways and hop out of bed. Oi, Smokie, did my pizza show up?

-yeah, i'll bring it over lest you become unbearable.

- _Danke!_

 _Chapter end._


End file.
